the condom got lost in my hair
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
