so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
