Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Farmville is her only friend.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
