I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
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Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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