Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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