I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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