True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
