I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
