How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize