member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
