i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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