it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
where are my eyebrows?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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