can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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