Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
