You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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