I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
