Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think my vagina is haunted
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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