Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
