I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
