I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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