you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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