bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
