Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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