he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
