I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
