she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just blew my weed a kiss
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
