i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
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