I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Randomize
