Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
