i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
