he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test