foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.