You can't special order awesome
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
