New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
