Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
