Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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