i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
