You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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