How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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