Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
