i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
