you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
