Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
