I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
