Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
