I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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