Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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