Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
