Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
