We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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