Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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