You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
