Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
