She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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