well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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