Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
