speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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