I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
