In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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