separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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