3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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