Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
